Al

Al

She was beautiful. I knew when I laid my eyes upon her that I was looking at my future wife. When I finally got up the nerve to walk over to where she was standing with friends and talk to her, her gorgeous eyes smiled at me first. I felt like I was automatically hypnotized and I wanted to tell her right then and there I’d take care of her forever if she’d run off with me.

I did nothing of the sort. I politely asked if she’d like to go out for a sandwich and a cold drink. Without hesitation, she politely accepted. Three months later we were Mr. and Mrs. Realizing early in our marriage we were unable to have children, we didn’t focus on the negative we showered one another with love, just like we would have showered any child that would have been a blessing in our lives. I couldn’t have asked for a better wife. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” Well, I know I had found a good thing and the Lord truly blessed me. I had my best friend with me forever and always. I knew she felt the same because she never failed to tell me on a regular basis.

We planned our lives accordingly. Once I retired from the army we settled down, me with a good reliable government job and she as a clerk in a ladies’ department store. (She later became a buyer then the manager). We purchased a nice home in a wonderful neighborhood where she was able to garden in our big backyard like she had always dreamt of doing and I…well me, I just tinkered around in the garage on many days. She always joked and crowned me the ‘King of Unfinished Projects’. I would just laugh and always find another project that I’d claim I would finish and never did. Our home was the place to be. Family and friends spilled in for many holidays, anniversaries, get-togethers and whatever else we would celebrate. Life was good and we were happy. My favorite memories are of our vacations or what we called our retreats.

Just thinking about our getaways still brings a smile to my face.

Sometimes we would get in our car with no real destination in mind. Whichever way the car was pointed that was where we would head. Those were some of our best trips, the unplanned ones. One summer we packed a suitcase and a picnic basket and drove until we found ourselves over five hundred miles away from home and laid out on a beach. We got there in enough time to grab a quick dinner and a bottle of wine.

Now we both knew she wasn’t the biggest drinker but isn’t that what makes it so much fun? Laying back on an old sheet in the sand and counting the stars, we made wishes off of the ones that had fallen. Little did she know my wish was going to come true.

I took her pretty face in my hands and slowly kissed her soft, ruby red lips. She took my breath away every time I kissed her. As her tongue circled mine I could taste the sweetness of the wine mixed with the warmth of her beautiful mouth. I couldn’t control myself, nor did I want to. Slowly I pushed her back into the cool sheet and began making a trail of kisses along her face and down her neck. I felt her long legs slightly part to allow me to fit inside my special place. The wine made her giggle as I unbuttoned her shirt. I lived for her laughter, giggles and all. We could hear the waves crashing on the shore as a nice evening breeze blew across our fevered bodies. The moon was perfectly round and being guard over us and the stars we had just counted earlier were dancing along with our hearts. I slowly stripped us down and we began a slow rhythm of our hips, back and forth. She released a soft sigh as she closed her eyes and enjoyed our beach-time play. I took full view of her body, she was my personal angel. She was just as beautiful as the first day I saw her. Her breasts soft, full and rising to the occasion, I took them both in my hands and let my warm tongue swirl around her perky nipples. I inhaled her natural scent that mixed well with the smell of the salty air that blew in from the ocean. I was hypnotized and under her love spell. She opened her eyes, gave a smile and guided me into her heaven. I was breathless I mean I literally was holding my breath, becoming light headed with ecstasy. I could feel her spirit meet with mine, laughing, holding, kissing and making divine type of love. She continued to invite me deeper inside to explore her in every way. I kissed and licked every crevice of her body. She responded to my moans with mimicked motions. I closed my eyes when she whispered lightly in my ear, telling how much she loved me and how wonderful I made her feel. I loved her too and was not afraid to say it. As a matter of fact, we said a lot on that beach that summer night. I wished that I could have put that moment in a bottle, tightened the cap and threw it out in the ocean further than the eye could see only to have it drift back to shore years later for us to find, reopen and relive that night all over again. We took each other to another level. We always did, each and every time.

Her radiant raven black, shiny hair, mesmerizing eyes, and gorgeous smile knocked me off my feet whenever I looked at her. She made my heart sing. Then it happened…

I call him Al. He is definitely no friend of mine and if she really knew what was happening, she knew he was the enemy. I blame him for stealing my love from me. I knew we were both getting older and our bodies wouldn’t be as taut, our vision wouldn’t be as clear, the hearing wouldn’t be as good and we’d move a little slower, not being able to do what we once did, but I never expected this.

It seemed like it just crept up on us suddenly. She would forget little things here and there like where she put the keys or forgetting what she was going to say in the middle of a sentence or even forgetting the recipe to her famous banana nut bread she made every Saturday evening for our Sunday brunch. But don’t we all forget little things at some time or another? I didn’t worry because I thought it was just the new path we were on to the golden years. When her personality changed from being sweet as a ten pound bag of sugar to being bitter and sour as an old pickle and she began to accuse me of things I won’t even mention, that’s when I knew something was wrong. She needed me and didn’t know it. She fought me, she yelled, she cursed. I was lost, confused and hurt but I knew it wasn’t her doing this. At least it wasn’t the ‘her’ I had known and loved all of these years.

So many tests, appointments and visits with various doctors. After all of these years and with the help of aging and my own weakening body, I wasn’t capable of providing for her any longer. I looked deep into her eyes the day I had to give her the news that she had to go. If she knew to be hurt like I was, she would have I’m sure. I had promised from the beginning that I’d take care of her forever. Now here I was after five decades of marriage breaking my first promise to her. She looked back at me but her once bright eyes were empty. I was talking to someone who had taken my love’s place. Nonetheless, I still loved her. Even if she couldn’t remember, I remembered for her. I remembered birthdays, anniversaries and holidays of us and our surviving friends. I kept alive the memories of all of our gatherings we had with family and friends over the years. I replayed over and over again, not just for myself but for her all of our vacations and retreats from the East to the West coast and little towns in between. I continued to tell her the stories that matched the photos in those albums we had kept over time. Some days she remembered, most of the time she didn’t. No matter what I told her I loved her each and every day just as I had always done.

I don’t know who was hurting more, me or her. We were living in separate places and living separate lives. She stayed in a facility not too far from the home we built together. I stayed in the house that once was our home, still praying that one day these last few years of stolen love would be returned to us. I traveled five miles each way, everyday to sit with her. Sometimes we talked and sometimes we just watched television. I was so angry with Al for stealing her away from me. Alzheimer, the word that echoed over and over in my mind like a bad song I couldn’t take off of repeat. I heard the doctor when my love was first diagnosed but I had to have her affirm what she had said to me again for fear that what I heard was true. Alzheimer, the disease that slowly slips your every being from you one memory at a time, dissolving all the photos from your mental photo album, shredding all the movies from your internal theater, and sneaking into your life and destroying you and those who love you. Before I even knew what happened I went from living the best life a man could ever ask for to having my soul zapped out of me like a mosquito flying directly into a bug zapper on the back porch on a hot August night. I can only imagine how my lovely wife feels.

One day last week she went through another bad episode. When I arrived at the home I was informed by the staff on duty at the visitor’s desk that she had been hostile and difficult to deal with refusing to eat when they served her lunch earlier that day and refusing to take her medication. Slowly I made my way down to her private room with a saddened spirit and a heavy heart. There I found her arguing with one of the nurses. I asked the nurse if I could be alone with my wife and I promised her I would make sure she had her medication. The nurse gave me an assuring look, showing empathy to my situation, agreed and promised to bring her something to eat since she refused lunch earlier. All the doctors, nurses and staff knew me, so it wasn’t a problem for me to try to calm the situation and calm my wife. After the nurse left I carefully explained to my wife the importance of taking her medication and listening to the nurses. She just sat there on the side of her bed not saying a word. The yellow nightgown I had recently bought her with the yellow and orange-billed duck on the hem hung gently off her shoulder. Her hair was wild and coming out of her ponytail holder. I didn’t know if she understood what I was saying or not. I moved closer to her, handed her a small cup of water and her two pills and told her to take her medicine. Her delicate, blue-veined hands took both the cup and the pill from me and she did as I had instructed her to do without hesitation. I adjusted the gown back on her shoulder and smoothed her now salt and pepper hair back as best as I could with my bare hand. Taking the empty cup from her, I heard her say, “I just want to go on vacation. I miss our vacations.”

You could have knocked me over with a feather. I looked deep into her eyes and finally saw that familiar brilliant smile her eyes used to give me. I looked into her eyes and saw ‘her’, the wife I knew. With tears resting on the rim of my ears I softly replied, “I miss our vacations too.”

She then got into her bed and turned and looked out the window which faced a nearby empty field that had wildflowers of different colors in full bloom. The sun was high and shining brightly, just like the many times it had been when we drove to our unknown destinations. I removed my shoes and placed them neatly against the wall in a small space between her bed and the nightstand. I then gently got in bed behind her where I molded my body against hers. I could smell the aroma of peaches coming from her hair as I felt her move back and closer to me. Resting my hand on the soft fleshy part of her hip, I thanked God for this moment. For in this moment she was here and it wasn’t about where we used to be or where we were going to be, it was about this very moment, the moment she remembers a bit of our happiness and love.

Listening to her breathe deeply as she fell asleep in my arms, I kissed the back of her head and whispered “I love you” as I celebrated our victory against Al…even if it was just for a moment, we won.

Erotically Speaking, 

Karma Eve